Patriarchy, religion, and spirituality

Would you force someone to marry you?

I recently watched the 2021 documentary Knots: a Forced Marriage Story. As one reviewer puts it: "In succinct and gnawing first-person interviews, three women detail how intense parental pressure, teenage gullibility and isolation forced them into marriage with people they barely knew"

Two of the women were 19 when they got married. One was 15 when she had a ceremony for a "spiritual marriage" before being sent to another state with parental permission to get legally married. None of the women had the resources or knowledge to say no to the union; they "consented" to the only option available to them.

The movie also goes into some shocking facts about marriage laws in the United States, but I'll focus on another aspect.

All three girls were in a patriarchal religious environment. One was in the "Christian Patriarchy" movement, another in an Orthodox Jewish community, and the third's religious background was unclear, only referred to as the Group (unless I missed something she said). 

Although the now ex- husbands weren't interviewed, what's clear is that they believed a certain way of living was God's will. Their religion said so through some blend scriptural interpretation, clerical authority, and their culture. 

That's what religion is: outside information. Just like the laws of the state, rules of a game, or procedures at a job.

Do this, don't do that.

To be a "good" person in a religious setting is to do what you ought, and to refrain from what you ought not, based on what you were told. It is to live up to somebody else's expectations. Remaining faithful to the expectations will feed the ego: "I've been true while others have fallen away."

The pious might then become blind to absurdities. "Being rewarded with a young, beautiful wife is what I deserve. She'll be happy because I'll be a good provider. She'll learn to love me."

I used to do an internal eye roll at those who said "I'm not religious, I'm spiritual." But does God really speak to you through religious books, institutions, and authority figures? They may be useful for learning, but they don't turn on the inner light switch. Only Spirit does that.

Only an inner voice or spirit can lead one to feel empathy and compassion. Only an inner voice can guide one to be humble instead of insisting on humility from every person of the opposite sex. Only an inner voice can ask what the other one wants, not just what I deserve.    

Religious values are still "worldly" values and one can lose one's true conscience by following them. The Spirit is always within. 

James Leroy Wilson writes from Nebraska. Follow him on Facebook and Twitter. If you enjoy his articles, subscribe and exchange value for value. You may contact James for your writing, editing, and research needs: jamesleroywilson-at-gmail.com. Permission to reprint is granted with attribution.

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