Originally published at Medium.
Promises are a form of love. A promise honors the one to whom it is made. A promise is a commitment.
To say, “I promise I’ll be there” is to say, “Being there will be my top priority.”
That’s why promises should be made sparingly.
If you have a previous commitment and are unsure you can be there, don’t make the promise. And don’t promise something you don’t want to do, or are unsure about.
When someone invites you to an event or makes a request, it’s a more loving act to decline or be non-committal (“I’d like to, but I’m not sure I can make it.”) than to make a promise you’re not sure you can keep. Because once a promise is made, you’re included in someone else’s plans. To break the promise is to disrupt those plans.
Making a promise is a voluntary act. Keeping it is no longer voluntary. It’s better to disappoint others by declining a request than to hurt them by breaking a promise.
This applies to promises we make to ourselves. Make them sparingly, but once made, follow through. When we don’t, we’re dishonoring — devaluing — ourselves.
But why make promises to ourselves in the first place?
For the same reason we should be doing anything: to feel good. Specifically, to enhance physical and creative energy, and derive satisfaction from accomplishments.
I suggest three promises we can make to ourselves, which ideally can be made daily. The specific content of the promise is up to you.
Refrain from a bad habit or unhealthy dietary choice. You know what you derive temporary pleasure from that makes you feel worse after. Don’t partake today. This won’t take any time at all, and may save time.
Start a good habit. Maybe dishes are piled up in the sink. Promise yourself to wash them, or at least put them in the dishwasher today.
Make progress on a project. Could be anything. Remodeling the bathroom is a project. Reading a book is a project. Schedule some time to do enough that you feel you’re making real progress.
Ideally, all three promises can be made every day. Some days, however, the schedule can be so crowded you might not have time to relax, let alone get to #2 or #3.
Which is fine. You’re already busy and productive that day. Just don’t make promises you can’t keep only to make excuses after. That’s hurtful when done to a friend. It’s hurtful to yourself.
Honor yourself by honoring your promises, or don’t make them.
James Leroy Wilson writes from Nebraska. Follow him on Facebook and Twitter. If you find value in his articles, your support through Paypal helps keep him going. Permission to reprint is granted with attribution. You may contact him for your writing, editing, and research needs: jamesleroywilson-at-gmail.com.